Definition:

Marriage is a union between three parties – the bride, the groom and God.

With this in mind, it is easy to see why the Talmud states that “over the man who divorces his wife of youth, even the altar of God sheds tears” (Gittin 90b). It is always with regret that we approach divorce and endeavour to make it a journey of two people, not adversaries.

In the UK, Jews who marry under the auspices of a synagogue are also married by the state. However, divorce is not covered under the same law, so a divorce in the civic courts is not a Jewish divorce, and a Jewish divorce cannot count as a civic divorce.

Often, divorce is initiated because the couple have started to move in separate ways. However, Judaism also recognises other reasons for divorce. Traditionally, if the husband refuses his wife her conjugal duties or does not support her according to the ketubah presented at the wedding (assuming he is able to but denies her these privileges), she is entitled to a divorce (Shulchan Aruch, Even HaEzer 76:11). If a husband habitually insults or even assaults his wife, or if he is unfaithful, then she is also entitled to a divorce. Unfortunately, one of the possible reasons for divorce initiated by a man according to tradition is if the wife is defective, for lack of a better word, for example, if she cannot produce children or even cohabit with her husband. Thankfully, Reform Jews do not ever use this as a reason for divorce. However, misconduct by the wife is grounds for divorce just as it is for the husband.

When a couple divorces, they go before the beit din to receive a get (document) which explains the divorce proceedings. Traditionally, the get is given by the husband to the wife and at the very moment when the get is in the hands of the wife the divorce is complete, although the Movement for Reform Judaism takes a more egalitarian approach. It is only with a get that a person may remarry in synagogue. On rare occasions, some Jews refuse to grant a get. In Orthodoxy, this creates the morally reprehensible situation of an agunah (“chained woman”) who remains married against her will, a situation which is impossible in Reform Judaism.

Some Reform communities will support those who have divorced by ceremonies that mark the personal transition. Since divorce is emotionally challenging on the couple and especially on children if they have any, Reform Rabbis are available for emotional and practical support throughout.

Sources:

• The Second Jewish Catalog, Strassfeld & Strassfeld, JPS, Philadelphia, 1976
• Encyclopaedia Judaica, Vol. 6, Keter Publishing House, Jerusalem, 1972, 122 - 136

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